Thursday, August 23, 2012

some more honesty...

So, in this 8 month journey I have been on...I have come to some very good conclusions.  The very first and most important one is rely solely on yourself.  If you want to get healthy, you have to cover the many facets of your life that make you unhappy.  You just don't wake up fat, sad, and miserable.  It happens over time and if you don't deal with stuff it builds and builds up to this point where you look in the mirror and don't like the person you see or you don't like what you see.  Either or, it's not a good spot to be. 

For me personally, I have some skeletons in my closet that have been hiding for a very long time and I decided it was time to drag them out and well.... beat the shit out of them.  :)  I also have student loan debt and financial burdens of kids and then that ugly 'b' word again.  Budget...I hate it but I'm working on it.  Marriage and communication also falls into that entire emotional health bit and it takes a concentrated effort to work on all these areas.  It doesn't come easy and sometimes being an adult and making adult decisions is hard.  I've avoided this realizing I was an adult bit for a long time (at least in my head).  Now that I am growing up (emotionally), I see that the denial process has created a big mess along the way.  WIP  Work In Progress. 

A huge part of my emotional health became my body.  I use to be an athlete, and years of neglect and putting myself and my needs at the bottom of my list have wrecked havoc.  I ran and skiied competitively for years, and enjoyed it.  My saving grace is I continued to exercise my entire life, I just didn't take care of myself and let my body go mainly with the poison and poor food choices I put into it.  The muscles were still trained so once I set my mind to it, it hasn't been too terrible finding my inner athlete.  Not too long ago, I had a friend tell me I wasn't an really pissed me off.  Looking in the mirror at the time, I could see where that came from....I still didn't like the comment and I will never be told that again without standing up for myself.  It's called taking control of my life back. 

Rely on yourself.  I have learned this lesson time and time again.  Only you can be accountable for you.  The food choices you make, the drinks you drink and the exercise you do or do not do is up to you!!!  Only you can take care of you when it comes to this part.  People tell me they are inspired by my posts and ask what I do.....I can tell you exactly what I ate and what exercises I do...easy.  You have to make that decision to eat right and exercise and then YOU have to decide what is going to work for your life.  I have people that want to work out with me, I would love the company, BUT.....I will not change my routine for people anymore.  I do what I do that works for me, if you want to join me at the gym at 4:30am...see you there!  If not, don't ask me to change my time up to meet you and then cancel on me...hahaha not falling for that again.  Workout buddies are great and the accountability process it creates is awesome, but you have to make that decision that even if your friend isn't going to make it, it will not be your excuse for not going and plow forward solo.  It is a mind set that you have to be really willing to set and stick to.

What has worked for me.  I love my iphone app.....  LOSEIT  (it's FREE) This application is great for accountability and tracking your food intake. (did I mention it's FREE) When you are first trying to change your lifestyle and lose, you have to create a calorie deficit to drop pounds.  It's very simple math, however this app will send you reminders and makes it very easy to do. 

This is a snapshot of the app on my phone.  I mainly use it now to track my exercise, but I will be adding my food back in shortly.  This app is very user friendly and you can use it on your computer as well. 

The hardest part of this journey is being nice to myself.  I have for my entire life not liked the person in the mirror.  No matter how much weight I lose or how I fix my hair and makeup it doesn't change this negative fact.  This can only change by helping myself.  I go to counseling and I am very proud of myself for doing so.  You should never be too afraid to ask for help when you need it.  Life is much easier with help in the areas you need help.  Do you put yourself down in your mind?  I do.  I do a lot.  I tell myself I am ugly and fat and there is a list of other things I use to say daily to myself when things were not going right.  Practice complimenting yourself and when I work out and I'm sweating and have those plugs in my ears....I'm talking nice to myself in my head.  I say I am an athlete, I am beautiful, and my body looks great.  I envision what my goals are and say those things to myself like I believe them to be the truth.  I hope this part helps someone else because I think it's a very important piece of the puzzle.  You cannot go through the motions and not believe in yourself or you are setting yourself up for failure.  Talk nice, be positive and good things will come. 


  1. Poor self-esteem can destroy us on so many levels. I'm glad that you recognized this and have been working on that change. It's so easy to ignore our troubles...isn't it. I think I do that a lot.. just pretend everything is fine and "close" my eyes. Good food for thought on your post.

  2. How was it put to me, it's our perception of ourselves and not necessarily how the world sees us. :) At any rate, the closing your eyes and ignoring stuff part catches up with you. Thanks and I like food for thought and food haha...wheels are turning. :)